Breaking News: New Vibration Theory Supercedes Luca Turin’s Account of Smell

[“The Eight Primal Vibrations of the Biscuitist Reality Structure.” Via Unurthed.com]

In a stunning development over the weekend, an unheralded researcher from Youngwood, Pennsylvania unveiled a new theory of how molecular vibrations activate olfactory receptors. Newcomer Thomas Prevenslik’s groundbreaking work could topple Luca Turin from his dominant position in the world’s vibrationist community. According to Prevenslik, his theory supercedes Turin's because odorant molecules create “their own unique QED induced IR and VCD rotational spectra from the absorption of thermal kT energy upon collision inside the nose.”

Awesome.

News of Prevenslik’s radical new insights were published here and here on prlog.org, an online “free press release distribution service.”

What’s that? No, they weren’t published in a “real” scientific journal. Don’t be a hater. Why should a true genius be forced to like, do experiments and stuff, and submit them to picky editors, and reply to some bummer of an anonymous review? Not to mention the tedious copy editing process. Why hold Mr. Prevenslik to a different standard than Luca Turin and Marshall Stoneham? What he has done is take “science by press release” to a whole new level.

Hunh? No, Mr. Prevenslik is not a head case. He has published scientific papers on balloons and telescope mirrors. Yes, back in the Sixties; so what? He also has a U.S. Patent application (20030178616). No, he hasn’t been granted a patent yet. So he sued the U.S. Patent Office and lost. Big deal.

Can you speak up, please? Yes, I am certain that this new theory is original to Mr. Prevenslik. No, now that you mention it, I have never seen Thomas Prevenslik and Marshall Stoneham in the same room at the same time. Separated at birth? That’s ridiculous. Just look at them.

Besides, they have totally different personalities. Mr. Prevenslik likes to send out press releases about a kooky smell theory while Prof. Stoneham likes to send threatening emails to bloggers who make fun of the same theory.

Good Twin, Evil Twin? I have no idea you’re talking about.